UlvenFenrir710,691 (377,670)Denmark

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Permalinkso my date was a complete disaster
what the fuck was my reaction when i got home yesterday after my “date”.

let me recap. ive been talking to this girl on tinder for a few weeks, then one day she couldnt see my messages anymore and she went into panic and asked me if i couldnt add her on facebook messenger. great i thought, then as time went on, i had asked her out a few times to no avail because she was too busy with work and her night activities. i said to her as the gentleman i am, no problem! ill wait because i think youre worth it. we even talked on phone, she sent me very early good morning and good night messages, we texted each other throughout the day EVERYDAY for over a month. it was fun and exciting. we even texted on phone the day before our date/meet up.

yesterday i met her for the very first time, i was so happy as i had been looking forward to it, she was very cute and friendly and i thought to myself after i gave her a hug, this is going to be a great day for both of us. guess what? after 30 mins she takes her phone out and i think to myself “is she bored?” she does this 3 times at least through-out the entire walk around the lake which took 45-50 mins total.

i made our date all about her, i could tell she didnt know what to ask me so i stepped in, asked everything about her, made it all about her. she talked and talked, laughed even. then as our walk comes to a close, i ask her if she still wants to eat lunch with me, since she was the one who suggested it. she stalled for a moment and said “umm, ill just wait till i get back home and i think we should just be friends, theres no chemistry. oh and btw, we can still chat on messenger and you can still send me jokes. its always nice to have someone to talk to” WTF???

i remained calm, took it pretty nice even though it felt like a punch in my face. i even walked her back to her car and hugged her farewell. later that day, after my feelings were crushed and extremely upset i had to get some kind of closure as to why she just ended the date halfway and gave up.

her bullshit explanation? “lack of chemistry” what the fuck. we are 30 mins into our date and comes to the conclusion theres a lack of chemistry and theres no reason to pursue this any further? this isnt like in a movie where everything happens magically. chemistry is also about wanting to make it work. it doesnt just “happen”. i mean sure, some people click, others dont but we are barely 30mins into our date a lack of chemistry is part of it. finding it hard to ask me things or awkward silence? also part of a first date. what the fuck was she expecting?

what, you think chemistry happens within the second we meet and greet? she didnt even give me a fucking chance. had she fully completed our date and gave me a chance, i wouldnt have been as upset as i was yesterday. my feelings are still crushed tbh.

she also contradicts herself alot as she went further on to explain the whole ordeal. “I agree, it was over too fast, i also really enjoyed texting you for over a month, but it was difficult talking to you, and the chemistry was hard to feel” she told me... yes so all this build up, and just because it feels hard and theres no immidiate chemistry and you give up?

what the fuck is going on?

why go through so much only to give up? the whole point of a date is to find a connection. you dont find a connection within an hour of walking, sometimes maybe but not always. give it a chance and dont just give up. thats why theres a 2nd and even a third date.

if i really liked a girl and i also really liked her personality and i thought shes absolutely gorgeous but felt like there was no immidiate chemistry, would i give up? fuck no. i would give her a chance. she did the exact opposite.

i did so much for her and recieved so little in return. oh and by the way, my feet are completely fucked up with blisters and bleeding because i wore my dapper boots just for her and i had been walking around in them for 2 hours yesterday just for her and this is what i get?

i did nothing wrong. i did everything right. she gave up halfway and never gave me a proper chance to get to know me.

i am absolutely devastated and sad.
Posted by UlvenFenrir on 31 May 19 at 11:19 | Last edited on 31 May 19 at 11:38
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Slayer1189 Sorry to heat that man. I did wonder how the date went and shitty to hear it went so badly. It seems especially strange to me given the context of messaging so frequently over the course of a month! cry

You will be hurting but hopefully time heals and you find someone you want to be with who is just as excited to be with you.

Ultimately, I usually feel interactions like this are best to view noone as being to blame. Blaming yourself is usually destructive and blaming others can lead to bitterness, but a "it just didn't work out" seems to work well (Not saying that is easy btw!)

Personally, I have never even been on a date so I won't even pretend to be in a position to give more input than I already have laugh

Hope you manage to get over the hurt quickly and there is a great match for you in the near future!

Until then, you have your TT Bromance wink
Posted by Slayer1189 on 31 May at 11:37
UlvenFenrir wont blame her. if theres no chemistry theres is no chemistry. but the way she handled it and just gives up? she didnt bother giving me a chance to find out if there was chemistry.

her logic: if theres no chemistry as soon as we hug, im just going to give up.

Posted by UlvenFenrir on 31 May at 11:41
Najinceil I feel like saying there's no chemistry in such a short time is just a quick-thought-up excuse to try and be nice about it. I highly doubt in the time you walked, while she put in little to no effort and continued to use her phone, that she felt no chemistry with you, lol.

Either way, sorry to hear it turned out to be such a shitshow in the end, buddy. Hopefully the next girl puts in as much effort as you put in, making it an equal date.
Posted by Najinceil on 31 May at 11:58
ItsKrista F##k off!!! Every relationship is awkward as hell for the first 1-3 encounters. Chemistry isn't always instantaneous so she shouldn't give up straight away.

Hopefully, she'll bounce back on messenger which she kinda hinted at in her message.
Posted by ItsKrista on 31 May at 11:59
Badly_Worn_Toy Look on the bright side. Least you’re not an arsenal fan cry
Posted by Badly_Worn_Toy on 31 May at 12:01
AbyssWatcher85 Sorry to hear that mate, i warned you nevertheless hhhhh women suck globally, your problem is that you've expected a lot from her, trust me, to have a successful relationship with a woman you must always set your expectations lesser than you think. Good luck next time :)
Posted by AbyssWatcher85 on 31 May at 13:13
AtsumaKarin Honestly doesn't sound like she's worthy of you, mate.

Like Slayer, I don't have any experience to be able to give you practical advice but I think given what you just described, it's pretty clear she's not worthy of you.

Onto the next one who will surely be much better for you. toast

And yeah, Badly, I was hoping Arsenal would win but nvm. Just hope Liverpool won't choke tomorrow (sorry Rich!)
Posted by AtsumaKarin on 31 May at 13:25
Harris59 Honestly this sounds familiar, I hear similar stories a lot more these days. I just think everything's changed with how quick (and accessible) dating is. I understand wanting to find Mr or Mrs right, but people are so quick to say no if it's not perfect right away and just look for another (or bench people to try and come back to after trying out more people), and so many give up on a relationship in the early stages over minor things. All the long-term happy relationships I know of (especially the older generation) took some work to build, if someone isn't commited enough to give something more of a fair shot how are they going to be commited enough to a lifelong relationship? I have a cousin who's a tad younger than me who met their partner at school, they're still going strong today and whilst that's not the longest time in the world, it's the longest stable relationships I've ever seen in my generation so it feels special to see.

All those sweet old couples, I think this is who our younger generation need to learn from to be honest when it comes to love and relationship. It's probably partly because we live in this 'now' culture where everything is instantly available, there's a plethora of instant gratification, no one puts in the time for the long term payoff.
Posted by Harris59 on 31 May at 15:19
BenNoddy That sucks. I’ve been on both sides had to do similar things to people - but I give them a fair chance first. At least 3 dates before I’m saying anything about chemistry.

I guess on the flip side she showed you she’s kinda flakey and you don’t need to waste more time and energy here?

Maybe she has horrible social anxiety and needs that connection right away or she panics a little. I know I come off a lot better over text than in person a majority of the time.

My point is don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s not a good experience at all but there’s a lot you can’t control and if it’s meant to be, it will happen and be glorious.

And next time dress comfortably. I stopped dressing to impress dates years ago and it’s been pretty awesome showing up as me. And it’s weeded out some bad ones really quickly smile

The thing with Arsenal is they always try and walk it in.
Posted by BenNoddy on 31 May at 18:33
BenNoddy If it helps - my last date went all right and then he messaged me the night I was seeing Avenger’s: Endgame (which he knew I was seeing and knew was over 3 hrs) and (apparently) freaked out when I didn’t reply to his text within 19 min and cancelled our second date because he realized he was too attached to me and had too many feelings and wasn’t ready for that yet.

I have no idea what happened, but if anyone else who’s not dating me would like to break up with me for not responding within 19 min, I’m happy to oblige :-P

Dating’s rough.
Posted by BenNoddy on 31 May at 18:38
UlvenFenrir thanks for all the replies :-) a true shame. her loss not mine. good luck finding a guy with that much patient and understanding as me.
Posted by UlvenFenrir on 31 May at 22:29
UlvenFenrir understanding as in i was willing to wait till she had time for me because of her job/late evening activities. not this whole date disaster.
Posted by UlvenFenrir on 31 May at 22:32
Najinceil plus, the next guy she dates probably won't have a 2. ratio above on tt

Posted by Najinceil on 31 May at 22:34
UlvenFenrir @najinceil i was going to impress her with my ratio and trophies on a 2nd date. cry
Posted by UlvenFenrir on 31 May at 22:36
Badly_Worn_Toy Go to Thailand and buy yourself one. They’re eager to please
Posted by Badly_Worn_Toy on 31 May at 22:47
UlvenFenrir @badly let me buy you baby redface
Posted by UlvenFenrir on 31 May at 22:49
LiquidCode Id hate to be back in the dating game now. Been with current partner now for over 11 years. Her and all my previous girlfriends have always started with a drunken conversation at a pub or club and I think im a bit too old for all that now. My corniest chat up line was "Are them moonpants your wearing, because that ass is out of this world". Your welcome to use it next time your in the supermarket. I hear supermarkets are the new nightclubs for meeting people!
Posted by LiquidCode on 01 Jun at 06:48
TowerThirteen I showed up to pick up a girl for a first date once and her roommate told me she was out of town. I thought it was weird she could have called with any of a million excuses to cancel but whatever. A year later I ran into her at a party and she apologized. We started dating after that. People can be weird.

I wouldn't be too upset about it. It's pretty rude to be checking a phone on a first date sounds like this person needs to mature. You need to find one of those gym girls especially if you're still lifting.
Posted by TowerThirteen on 01 Jun at 14:44
UlvenFenrir @towerthirteen i lift 5 days a week but my date doesnt have to like or do the same things as me. just want a normal date with a great personality which she seemed to have untill she gave up.

clearly im too good for her and thats her loss ultimately.
Posted by UlvenFenrir on 01 Jun at 14:57
takutoneko The problems could be on her side and it was nothing to do with you. Talking to someone via text or even phone then meeting IRL can be such different experiences especially if you've built something up in your mind. She might of done that.

I've chatted with someone online and met them IRL...The person was pretty much two different people plus a lot worse looking than the picture showed.

You've probably dodged a bullet if she can't explain her actions just use it as a learning grounds.
Posted by takutoneko on 02 Jun at 10:00
UlvenFenrir hey taku. yeah that actually makes alot of sense. when i saw her for the first time she was just as how i had imagined her. i never set my expectations too high or anything on the date. maybe she had and thats why she felt there was nothing between us so fast.

either way, i learned from it and i will never drag a tinder conversation out for that long again. id rather just meet the person. texting for over a month is too risky.
Posted by UlvenFenrir on 02 Jun at 13:52