Roster13's Blog (3 followers)

One quote I've seen thrown around that explains the suicidality element quite well is:

"The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling."

I've had depression for approximately 10 years, though I try not to think about how long exactly because thats obviously not a great move and just results in me feeling as if I was "never happy", and those thoughts can easily spiral out of control in a depressed mind. I've got a relatively high functioning form of depression so I can still do stuff and it doesn't completely dictate my life.

For me I'm not for medication or therapy, I try to tackle it myself and through friendships and other relationships. I feel like we don't know enough to really nail things on the medical side and it can often make things worse. Likewise with therapy as people tend to walk out with more problems than they went in with. As long as you communicate with each other and help each other out as a society there's really no need for additional intervention unless a more 'serious' case (as in more dangerous to yourself or people around), but I don't feel it'd get that far if we do the former more. Just look out for each other.

I really like that quote. It depicts very well the feeling of being depressed from the perspective of the person and also from outsiders. I started developing my depression this year, so it's rather early. I just haven't exactly found anything in my life to keep me ''distracted'' or ''have a goal to work towards'' as I don't have friends nor places to go or be. That plus coming from a rough breakup is putting a huge weight on my shoulders. But I have been trying to find something to keep me sane and alive. It's better than nothing.